instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
