Sponge bath it is.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
