this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
did i just pee glitter
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
