it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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