She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
