He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
