I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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