My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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