Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
