People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
