"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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