i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
