never play flip cup with pint glasses
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
