I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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