Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
