Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
