am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
