plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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