considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
