im drinking this country out of the recession.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
