Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
