I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
