I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
