Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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