I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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