if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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