I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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