i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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