I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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