There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And then he peed in my hair
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