This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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