these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
