Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
