Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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