eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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