Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
