me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
