so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My pussy is not your playground.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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