He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
