i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
