You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize