i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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