I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
