I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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