took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
