I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
