Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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