God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
