ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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