sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
