Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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