i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
