she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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