hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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