you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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