She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
