Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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