He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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