Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
