i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
