that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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