Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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