I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
