it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
