if i died would you start the facebook group?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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